The saying tempus fugit, or ‘time marches on,’ feels more real now than ever. The month of May heralds the end-of-year special events, and, of course, the inevitable departure of Oliver Ames seniors. We prepare for the immaculate tossing of our graduation caps and the jubilation that will follow. Undoubtedly, many of us will find ourselves reflecting on our time at Oliver Ames, and I am no exception. I vividly remember my first days as a freshman and am constantly looking inwards, asking myself, “How have I grown during my years here?” We owe it to the hard work of our teachers, the lessons learned together as peers, and our own commitment to excellence. Just like every previous class, the Oliver Ames Class of 2019 possesses a large number of individuals that are ready to take on the world. I feel that each one of us should be reflecting on everything we have experienced here. Eventually, we will all assimilate into new communities in college or the military. Overall, I am grateful for every single minute that I spent here at Oliver Ames; this experience was certainly vital to my development and I look forward to what’s to come.
That being said, you are about to witness my temporary transformation into Martin Luther. Here are my ‘theses’ of OAHS, they are a series of ideas, complaints, suggestions, and praises:
1. Our faculty as a whole is phenomenal, cherish them.
2. Our facilities are top notch, keep using them.
3. For the love of god, don’t abolish the music department, future students will surely thank you.
5. Swim team needs new members, FIND THEM.
6. Stop infusing education with leftist politics constantly. Not all people hold left-leaning values!
7. Your decision to vape or not doesn’t impress anyone, stop acting like it does.
8. Close the boys’ bathroom doors.
9. Find a way to reduce the prices of school trips.
10. Abolish all homework over vacation, except for optional stuff.
11. Find better music to listen to.
12. X2 needs to be revamped into a more modern form.
13. Get more data for Naviance scattergrams.
14. Stop Daily Olivian censorship when it comes to stories people actually want to read!
15. School resource officers are excellent to ensure student safety, keep them here.
16. Expressing conservative values in the open should NOT be scorned as “hate speech.” All political values should be respected and nurtured.
17. Stop worrying so much about the nitty gritty of your GPA, the difference between 4.1 and 4.2 isn’t as important as you think.
18. Switch to the ACT instead of SAT, the College Board is a monopoly.
19. Drop language requirements to 2 years. 99% of us suck at it.
20. The heating in our school is generally good, but very inconsistent.
21. KEEP YOUR TRASH OUT OF THE PARKING LOT!
22. Stop breaking the bank for school dances. That money could go to far more productive things.
23. Stop ‘manufacturing’ social controversies.
24. FIGURE OUT HOW THE PARKING LOT WORKS BEFORE YOU DRIVE IN IT.
25. Did I mention the garbage music that our students listen to?
26. Tell everyone to lay off punishing seniors so much.
27. ASK AND ANSWER QUESTIONS IN CLASS, you will enjoy school more that way.
28. Tell Ms. Fogarty/Mrs. Binney to stop printing so much paper.
29. Mr. Gillis is a veritable intellectual, take a class with him.
30. Stop being so arrogant about sports, it’s really annoying.
31. Stack the chairs after third lunch, Mr. Flanagan and Mrs. Queally will thank you.
32. Mrs. Romans overuses the phrase “make some connections.” She is a fearless leader, though.
33. Our computers are way too slow. MacOS will always be superior to Windows.
34. Next time you talk to your guidance counselor, say ‘thank you.’ They work really hard for us behind the scenes.
35. Mr. Schussler’s class is like a plane that one must transcend in order to achieve spiritual enlightenment. Going through his class will force you out of your shell.
36. If you end up with Mr. Karol for English, make sure you start your Crucible Rap Video early enough. This simple trick will save you from any potential embarrassment.
37. Avoid doing math homework during gym. Making this mistake may earn you the wrath of Mr. Artz.
38. Stop squishing lunch cookies on the music hallway floor, it’s disgusting.
39. Civil liberties should always reign supreme over government surveillance. Security cameras are a violation of our rights.
40. If you want to talk to a quintessential “cool guy,” stop by Mr. Johannessen or Mr. Goldberg’s rooms.
41. No, Turnitin and Google Classroom weren’t broken, you just didn’t turn in the assignment that was due.
42. Avoid French 4 Honors if you don’t want your GPA to be murdered.
43. The words: “gas,” “gucci,” “fire,” “chill,” “gang,” “QUEEN” and the phrases “love to see it,” “low key,” “ahh go crazy ahh go stupid” should be banned. Excessive use of these popular sayings should result in severe punishment.
44. Read Vom Krieg by Carl von Clausewitz.
45. Stop calling your girl friends ‘queens.’ This word might be the most overused since ‘Swag’ in 2013.
46. If you’re going to put the bass way up in your car before school, at least play “SWEET HOME ALABAMA” when you do it.
47. Our common planning speakers are usually excellent, but we should include more presentation topics. It could possibly be something useful, such as- how to balance a damn checkbook?!
48. Mr. Flanagan is the best conflict mediator I have ever known. If you ever have an issue with another student, he’s your guy.
49. Make OA Football Great Again.
50. ENJOY YOUR TIME HERE, IT FLIES BY.
With that, I extend my farewell. Best wishes to all those who will still continue at OA after this year. Onto Texas, I proceed!